Speaking Boricua.

Jodona | feminine noun | English translation: an irritating and/or annoying woman.

Used in a sentence: That woman is a real jodona.

The following fictional scenario will help clarify the sample sentence:

Let’s say there is a woman of Puerto Rican descent with a strong affection for candy. Strong, not desperate. This Boricua is not dependent on refined sugar and can forgo candy whenever she wants. Until then, she frequents the Dominican bodega on the boulevard where the 75-cent coffee is lawsuit hot and the selection of counter candy is extensive. To be precise, it is the most extensive selection within a six-block radius, and this Boricua appreciates precision almost as much as she does candy.

The candy is not available in clear plastic tubs on the counter, as in other bodegas. The candy at this establishment is behind a clear plastic partition, a window into the rows of square cubes, each color-filled with a specific candy. This set-up requires the Boricua to provide the clerk with verbal direction, and an occasional tap on the plastic partition, to make her purchase.

“Cuatro Swedish Fish. Cuatro Sour Patch Kids. Dos de estos (tap, tap on the cube of Caramel Creams). Un mini Peppermint Patty y un mini Snickers. Laffy Taffy, uno de cada sabor.”

The clerk raises his eyebrow the moment the Boricua enters the bodega each afternoon and his lips pucker as he selects the candy. Always the same candies, announced in the same order. And he always exhales when the Boricua reminds him that she requested one of each flavor of Laffy Taffy, por favor, so he needs to put back one of the greens and replace it with a yellow. Gracias.

The clerk is mostly wordless during the daily transaction, other than “Buenos dias” when the Boricua enters. Her order is always the same and she arrives to the counter with the dollar bill and two quarters ready in her hand. The Boricua had once thought to suggest she could call in her order. A simple “Lo de siempre” over the phone, walk in seven minutes later, exchange nods and her $1.50 for a small brown paper bag of happy bits. However, she never mentioned the idea as it was clear that the candy selection needed her watchful eye.

It also became clear one day that her watchful eye was not appreciated. The Boricua was leaving the bodega and the door was not fully closed when she heard the clerk speak to the guy who always stood by the newspapers.

“Esa mujer es una jodona.”

The Boricua had stood on the sidewalk, the bag of candy in her hand.

Sugar not yet ingested = body’s happy chemicals not released = one pissed Boricua.

Jodona is the feminine of jodón, such as a male clerk with an irritating and annoying lack of attention to detail, though repeated to him daily. Jodón is a man who does not appreciate the business of a reliable customer.

The clerk considers the Boricua a jodona. She knows he is a gran jodón: not only irritating and/or annoying but infuriating. His is the only bodega along her daily route with the precise selection of sugar- and chocolate-coated candies that guarantee her system is awash in happy chemicals by the time she arrives home high on a rush that lasts at least 55 minutes.

The Boricua also knows jodía.

Adjective | Used in a sentence: Está jodía. | Translated: She is screwed.

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